P = Proceed Mindfully


Hopefully, by now, if you are following the process effectively, you are in a space of mindfulness, experiencing a state of Wise Mind. As a result, you have opened up your system to the many different possibilities that there are, regarding the current situation that you find yourself facing. From this new, internal space of calm, you can begin to explore the next steps to take, so ask yourself, what do I want from this situation? What are my goals? What decision can I make that might make this situation better or worse? What can I do that keeps me in line with my values and beliefs? Consult with your many different healthy adult parts, access your sense of Self energy, and listen to your Wise Mind to get an idea of how you might deal with this problem.

Remember that being mindful is the opposite of being impulsive and acting without thinking. When you are able to remain calm, you are able to maintain a level of control over the parts of your personality that are trying to blend in your system, reacting to the schema that’s been triggered by the situation. The more you are able to see things from a wise mind perspective, the more objective information you will gather about what is actually going on. From this space, you are better prepared to deal with the situation effectively, without making it worse.

For example, imagine a situation where you get home really late from work, because you had car trouble on your journey. Your partner starts yelling at you, accusing you of cheating, and calling you names. This triggers a schema of shame in your system, and as a way to cope with the presence of this unwanted emotion, the Angry Child kicks in. This defensive part of your personality is on a mission to get your partner to hear you, to listen to what actually happened, rather than accusing you of doing something you didn’t do. Obviously, this ends in disaster, because this level of aggression has the exact opposite reaction than it was intended to create, and instead of listening, your partner escalates, and the whole situation goes for a shit, spiralling into a space that leaves everyone involved feeling worse for wear.


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