The Self Aggrandizer Mode
When the Self-Aggrandizer mode is dominant within our personality system, it can show up in a number of different ways. In it’s extreme, when we are blended with a part that’s using this mode we are seen by others as a person who’s entitled, overly competitive, or grandiose in the way we present our possessions and our accomplishments. This is done to seek an elevated level of status, or to get something we particularly want in a specific moment of time. From a textbook perspective, when this mode is activated, we tend to expect special treatment and believe we don’t have to follow the rules that other people do. The Self Aggrandizer usually acts in self-elevating ways, building up our achievements, in an attempt to inflate our sense of worth and superiority over those around us.
This behaviour pattern is often linked to a Schema of Entitlement which is born out of the environment we grew up in and our individual childhood experiences within that environment. However, this mode can also come from a desire to compensate for strong, subconscious feelings of inferiority that lie buried deep beneath the surface. It is not always the case that the Self Aggrandizer is easy to spot, and many people push back against the notion of this behaviour mode existing in their personality system. However, it is a fact that most people have a Self Aggrandizer of some sort, so learning how to recognize its presence is important, and often takes a certain degree of humility along with a large amount of self honesty.
“When I elevate myself above those around me, seeking out their flaws, and comparing my own behaviours to theirs, I do so in an attempt to lift my own self confidence and self-esteem. This is the role of my Self-Aggrandizer.”
~Steven Morris RP
In my own journey of self-reflection, I was introduced to the purpose of the Self-Aggrandizer early on, and I instantly had a belief in my system that this part didn’t apply to me. I was better than that, I didn’t put myself above others, and I was generally opposed to the possibility of its existence in my personality. The irony of this self-elevating thought process, and the beliefs that go along with it, is that they very much belong to the part we call the Self-Aggrandizer. Once I began to accept this mode as an interesting and important part of my personality, I started noticing it in many different areas of my life. Every time I observed an individual not following a rule that I personally would follow, or I saw someone doing something I considered to be unacceptable, my Self-Aggrandizer would come to the forefront of my thinking. A basic sense of self-righteousness and contempt would begin to creep into my system, and I would often elevate my own level of self-esteem by internally proclaiming that “I would never do something like that.”
For me, this was the essence of my Self-Aggrandizer, and it existed in my system as a defence mechanism, counteracting my own underlying imposter complex. My Internal Critic used degrading observations, continuously pointing out the areas of my life where I was screwing up. In order to compensate for this self-perpetuating sense of failure, guilt, and shame, I developed a part of my personality that would push back with observations of its own. I am better than you, smarter than you, stronger than you, and hold my values in a way that is superior to the way that you hold yours. The problem with this behaviour was that it kept me disconnected from people, and only served to prolong my deep routed sense of loneliness.
"The irony of this self-elevating thought process, and the beliefs that go along with it, is that they very much belong to the part we call the Self-Aggrandizer."
~Steven Morris RP.
As previously stated, many people have a hard time accepting the existence of a Self-Aggrandizing part in their personality. Pushing back against a narrative that, for some, can represent a shameful way of thinking. Many of us have a Self-Aggrandizer, it lives within the personality system serving a very specific purpose. For some, it can be seen in behaviour that’s entitled, competitive and grandiose, for others it exists only within our thoughts. This part is often status seeking to get whatever we want at that particular point in time. Living the Life you Want to Live means unconditional Self-Acceptance, and this is true, even for the parts of our personality that we may be conflicted about accepting.
In the PDF below you will find a worksheet to help you identify if this mode is one that you experience as a dominant way of coping with your uncomfortable and unwanted emotional experiences. Take some time to read it through, take your time to contemplate the questions before you answer them. See how relevant they are to you, and if you think and feel that this is a mode you use on a regular basis, use the skills of mindfulness to build awareness for its presence within your personality system.
Download The Detached Self Aggrandizer Mode PDF
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