The Perfectionistic Overcompensator
When the Perfectionistic Over-Compensator mode is activated within our personality system, our focus turns to protecting our Vulnerable Child from a perceived or real threat by attempting to exercise extreme control over our own actions and possibly the actions of other people too. Sometimes, there can be a part that falls into a suspicious version of this mode, which causes our system to experience a sense of hypervigilance, a certain degree of paranoia, and behaviours that are purely and simply designed to control what other people do. When blended with a part that’s using this mode to cope, we make sure that everything in the area of life we’re concerned with is “perfect.” This way, we can avoid any form of judgement or criticism that might activate shame. Whether this judgement comes from the external world, or our own Internal Critics is completely irrelevant, the impact is the same.
When in a Perfectionistic Overcompensating mode, we can sometimes be seen by others as an overachiever in many areas of life. However, this is often to our emotional and physical detriment in one way or another as the constant drive to do things perfectly, sooner or later, leads to burnout of some kind. When blended with a part that’s in a Perfectionistic Over-compensator Mode, it can also be true that we expect other people to be perfect too. This mode causes parts to see things in black and white terms, from one extreme to the other, without room for a middle ground. For example, when coupled with a compliant-surrender mode, and a Schema of Self Sacrifice, this behaviour can often lead to making sure that other people’s needs are met perfectly, without compromise, no matter what. Failure to do so is a damning indictment of who we are, and its this overwhelming fear of shame that drives the behavioural response.
“I held myself to a higher level of expectation than other people did. In order to achieve this Unrelenting Standard, I had to be perfect in everything I did, otherwise my internal critic would judge me as a total failure.”
~Steven Morris RP
As I have previously discussed, my own personal vulnerabilities revolved around Defectiveness and Failure, so avoiding the shame that came with these particular schemas was a must in my own behaviours. My personality, driven by fear, was set up to keep as far away from these feelings as I possibly could, at all costs. Sometimes this meant an additional schema of Unrelenting Standards was activated in my system as a way to cope with this devastating fear of shame, and it was regularly matched with my Perfectionistic Over compensator. As the name suggests, this part of my personality was driven to be perfect, in everything I did. Failure to reach this level of expectation led to a judgmental Internal Critic that would reprimand me in a many different ways.
When the Perfectionistic Over compensator Mode is a dominant part of our personality, we blend with the thoughts and feelings that focus on controlling everything around us. This mode of behaviour is designed to protect our Vulnerable Child from the threat of judgement, whether this is an internal threat or an external threat, the coping mechanism, and its behavioural responses are the same. we will push ourselves to our physical, emotional, and psychological limits, never slowing down to take a breath or appreciate what we’ve accomplished, constantly striving for more without acknowledging or validating our accomplishments.
"When the Perfectionistic Over compensator Mode is a dominant part of our personality, we blend with the thoughts and feelings that focus on controlling everything around us."
~Steven Morris RP.
People who struggle with this behaviour mode will often justify its existence with statements like, “what’s wrong with pushing myself?” or, “how else am I supposed to accomplish things?” While these are completely valid points of view, at the same time, the problem with the Perfectionistic Over-compensator is that it never allows us to stop and take a break from the expectation of perfection. Working with the Perfectionistic Over-compensator begins with mindful awareness. Understanding the language of the part, the feelings that come with it, and the schema that’s connected to its initial activation. Planning Ahead to Build Mastery, Paying Attention to Positive Events, and the RAAVEN exercise are all key to removing the rigidity this part has for the perfection it is seeking. The Perfectionistic Over-compensator hinders our ability to live according to our values and beliefs, so earning to spot this part when it blends with our system is key to building the Life you Want to Live.
In the PDF below you will find a worksheet to help you identify if this mode is one that you experience as a dominant way of coping with your uncomfortable and unwanted emotional experiences. Take some time to read it through, take your time to contemplate the questions before you answer them. See how relevant they are to you, and if you think and feel that this is a mode you use on a regular basis, use the skills of mindfulness to build awareness for its presence within your personality system.
Download the Perfectionistic Overcompensator PDF
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