The Internal Critics
I want to talk a little bit about internal critics. From a multiplistic personality perspective, these are probably the most important parts to understand, as they are usually the hardest parts for us to accept. We have to remember that there is no such thing as a “bad part” in our personality system, and all parts are welcome, no matter how they currently behave. This also applies to our own Internal Critics. They are an integral part of our personality system, and if they were not present, we probably wouldn’t survive very long. They hold our judgements and criticisms, they let us know when we are doing something “wrong” or when we need to watch out for someone else’s behaviours when they seem to be to be untrustworthy.
The problem with our Internal Critics is that they learned their communication style at a very early age because they internalized the language we were exposed to growing up. It doesn’t really matter if this is a direct representation of the words we were exposed to, or a child’s interpretation of the language that we heard, and the way we felt in the environment.
If your critics have an unhealthy way of speaking to you, the result is usually an activation of guilt and shame, even if there are no values that have been compromised to activate these feelings. At the same time, your critics are usually the most misunderstood parts of your personality system, as their intention is to motivate you in some way. They are trying to communicate, in the only way they know how, that there is something you are doing, or a way that you are being, that you need to pay attention to in the immediate circumstance you are in.
"The problem with our Internal Critics is that they learned their communication style at a very early age because they internalized the language we were exposed to growing up."
~Steven Morris RP.
How we react to our critics is also important to understand, as many people don’t realize they are in control of this narrative if they can recognize and work with it. Some people comply with their internal critics, and give in to what they’re saying, while many people push back against their own internal narrative by resisting that their internal critics are telling them. If you fall into this category, which many people do, when you hear your critics tell you that there is something that you need to do, or stop doing, your emotional child parts react, in the same way they wanted to react to these critical messages they heard as children. It is important to understand this as we move to identifying them. We need to work to validate and accept their presence in our system, so they are open to learning new communication skills.
In essence, you need to hear the narrative of your own internal critics and educate them to become internal coaches instead. The only way this is possible is if you are open minded about their presence in your thoughts and can appreciate the reason that they are drawing your attention to something, then you can educate them about how to change the language they use to build internal motivation, instead of guilt and shame.
Once we have an understanding for the different parts of our personality, and we recognize the schema they're responding too, we will engage with theuse of the R.A.A.V.E.N skill which is designed to educate and reframe our relationship and experience with our parts. For now, let’s work on identifying the Internal Critics within our personality system. There are two different types of internal critics. They can each show up on their own, or they can work in tandem with one another. Click on each of the links below to get more information on each one.
The parts of our personality that hold all of our judgements, and make black and white, all or nothing, absolute demands on self and others.
The parts of our personality that use demeaning and punishing language to describe self and others when doing things we should or shouldn’t be doing.
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