Unburdening Protectors

If you've ever attended any of the online groups that I facilitate, or done any one-on-one work with me, you're probably used to hearing the term unburdening floating around inside the conversation. This incredibly important word is used to describe the process we go through to release the burden of responsibility being held in our system by specific parts of our personality, that are generally influenced by the presence of a particular type of schema.

This responsibility is often held with a degree of rigidity that has an absolute, or all or nothing feel to it, and it's this extremely rigid perspective that has us repeating the same behaviours, time and time again, then wondering why we keep doing the same old thing when it's really not helping us to live the life we want to live, or in particular, be the person we want to be. When a schema gets activated, it's tied to the experiences we've had in the past. These experiences are then subconsciously connected to our familiar emotional, and therefore behavioural responses. Basically, we're constantly reacting to the emotional experience that's generated by the story we've created about the current situation.

“Our childhood experiences create parts of our personality that carry the burden of responsibility to protect our Vulnerable Child.”

~Steven Morris RP.

Sometimes this story is right on the money, and it lines up with everything that's actually happening. When this is the case, our system usually, but not always, responds with parts of our personality using different modes of behaviour that keep us in line with living the life we want to live, and being the person we want to be. On the flip side, dialectically speaking of course, sometimes these stories are out of line with what's actually going on, because they're a representation of our previous experiences rather than the facts about current situation. The stories that are connected these previous experiences are usually generated during childhood, and we are reenacting these early situations, based on a familiarity in the current environment. Often with a rigid behavioural response, that's trying to meet an unmet childhood need in the only way we currently know how.

As I’ve said a number of times before, we are not looking to remove the schema that we're labeling as ineffective and maladaptive completely from our system. To do this would actually be a somewhat dangerous thing to do, because there may be times when the story we’ve generated is actually completely accurate for the situation we’re in. When this is the case, we work on the mode of behaviour we use in response to the story. Making sure it’s one that’s effective for us to live the life we want to live and be the person that we want to be. When it's not the case that the story is justified, we want to reflect on the situation and develop our skills for looking at the world from a new and dialectical perspective. This helps us to see the balance between our maladaptive and ineffective stories, and the possibility of an adaptive and effective point of view.

“Releasing the burden of responsibility provides the opportunity for our parts to realize they no longer need to protect our Vulnerable Child in the way they once did.”

~Steven Morris RP.

First of all, it's really important to have a solid foundation for doing this type of work in place, prior to taking it on. Utilizing the creation of your support network, routine and structure and taking care of your physical wellbeing by practicing the DBT skills of mindfulness and distress tolerance every single day. I will leave links to all the content available on the YouTube channel and website about this subject in the description below. With these things in place, you’re working towards Living the Life you Want to Live, and you're practicing the skills that give you the capability to notice the parts of your personality that are in distress, and unblend from their domination within your personality system. Journalling every day gives you the insight for the schemas that are creating a problem in your behavioural responses. So next, we have to link the maladaptive and ineffective stories, to their counteracting effective and adaptive counterparts. On the following page is a chart containing a list of the common connections that with practice, we can actually start to make.

In the PDF at the bottom of this page, you will find additional information on the steps we take to practice the skill of unburdening our protective parts from the responsibility they hold, as well as a copy of the RAAVEN worksheet we use in conjunction with Planning Ahead to Build Mastery to help you develop the narrative we need for ths skill. If you can download it, print it out, and take the time to use it to work with your known schema to remove the rigid belief that it is 100% accurate all of the time. There are also links to each of the videos and worksheets for each of the skills we need for the unburdening process to be effective in the description of the YouTube video connected to this page, so please explore this content to develop you capability to use the RAAVEN skill..

Download the PDF Worksheet